MY MIND WANDERED — and never came back!

      Who else has a beef with the TV networks and the way they choose to add advertising and public announcements to their shows?

Am I the only one who finds it extremely annoying when watching a sitcom like maybe “Gary Unmarried” or “Two and a Half Men”  (which never fails to make me LOL) or some other show that one might find hilarious, when suddenly the station cuts to a commercial break and you find yourself still grinning from ear to ear  while watching footage of the earthquake in Haiti.

Then you feel all guilty for laughing, your grin fades    and you feel just awful.  Talk about a buzzkill. I hate that!

One would think that the networks would be more selective in the types of ads they present and try to match them with the shows.

Do you waste a lot of time on Face Book?  I know I do, but it’s because a lot of my friends are there. Recently I  discovered a brand new social networking site where the members get paid to do this.  Really, I kid not.  It’s called PeopleString and it’s almost as much fun as Face Book.

They offer games, blogs, polls, email and social interaction, like any other social networking site, but the difference is that each month the members are paid a part of the ad revenue that is earned by the website.  (You won’t get rich from it, but you will earn enough so that you don’t feel like you’re totally wasting your time.)

It’s free to join and you also get paid a little bit for your referrals.  If you’re interested in joining, here is my personal link to the website. If you join there you will automatically be added to my friends list. Oh, and  we’ll both earn a few cents in the process, which isn’t half bad, all things considered.

I look forward to seeing you there:   PeopleString.com.

http://www.peoplestring.com/?f=littlelf

***

A priest, a monk and a rabbi walked into a bar.  They claimed it was dark outside and they didn’t see it.

The three were taken to a nearby hospital where they were treated for minor injuries.

It was later discovered that their blood alcohol levels were higher than their IQ.

The mystery was solved straight away.

This week on the Oh Really? Factor, we’ll take a look at Obama’s comprehensive healthcare plan, and the ongoing battle in Washington between the Democrats and the Republicans — which, we might add, is becoming a lot more competitive than the Winter Olympics.

According to sources outside the White House, Republicans have already decided  to chuck the president’s healthcare overhaul plan, stating that they will do everything in their power to assure that the bill doesn’t pass.

Republican leaders said they would attend Thursday’s summit but see no point in the session, arguing that Obama and the Democrats are determined to ram their comprehensive bill through Congress using special parliamentary rules.

Oh, Really?

Democrats would be a great name for a rock band.

Final Score: Republicans — 0; Democrats — 0; Joe Taxpayer — minus 0.

today during a Congressional hearing, “Shame on you, Toyota.”

To which Lintz replied, ” Wanna see my Lexus? Wanna see it again?”

***

It’s official. Shadow hates me. Why else would he continuously inflict such pain and suffering on me?

During the  past four years since I adopted him from the animal shelter, he has successfully managed to destroy a brand new pair of boots by chewing the heel completely off one of them; he has broken three of my ribs; cut a huge gash across the top of my foot and broken the bone near my big toe; knocked me down and bruised my hip; scratched huge bloody gashes in my forearm; and yesterday, he broke my camera! My camera that I use for my work at the newspaper.

Stupid dog!

(I love you Shadow, but really?!! Enough already.)

Both he and Sheba are  extremely beautiful dogs. They are both in excellent health and their coats are thick and shiny. They have boundless energy and fantastic muscle tone.

I attribute their good health to Pedigree dog food.  I  tried feeding them another brand in the past and after about a month I started to see a change in them. Their coat lost some of its luster and they just didn’t look as healthy.  So I put them back on Pedigree and kept them there.

(side note: Pedigree did not pay me to say this. I am simply a huge fan of their product.)

Yesterday I decided to take some pictures of them for my blog.  I went into my office to get my camera, Shadow following close on my heels as usual. (Sheba is more of a daddy’s girl). I carefully removed my camera from its case where I store it when I’m not using it, and that’s when Shadow decided that he wanted to “touch”  the important piece of equipment I was holding in my hand.

He literally slapped the camera out of my hand with his paw and it went flying across the room and landed face down on the lens. (the floor of my office is concrete!) It bent the lens, the battery went flying in another direction and thus the camera was totaled. When I put the battery back into the camera and tried to turn it on, I heard only a grinding noise as the lens tried to extend into position.  The camera shut off after only a couple of seconds and the LCD screen was blank.

I sat down and cried. Of course that didn’t help any but that’s all I could do.  The camera wasn’t a very expensive one. It was a Kodak Easy Share 2710, a simple point and shoot camera, but it did take great pictures.  I was hoping to eventually switch over to a DSLR , but not this soon. Now I have no camera at all.  Arrrrg!

I will have to buy a new one but I haven’t yet decided what kind to buy.  I’m thinking of going with the Cannon Rebel XS. It looks like a good one for the price. I had originally planned to buy a Nikon D90 when I could afford it, but now I’m glad I didn’t.  If Shadow had broken a $1500.00 camera, I would be devastated.

Here is the last photo I took with the camera. This was taken from the road in front of my house, across the Nolichucky River — from a distance of well over 200 ft.

These river otters are quite a find in our area as they have almost become extinct.  A few years ago the National Wildlife Agency stocked them here along the river.  I just happened to be looking across the river at the right time to get a photo of them.  I’ve been trying unsuccessfully for over a year now,  to get a photo of  one of the Bald Eagles that they also stocked here. I’ve seen one on two different occasions but by the time I ran and grabbed  my camera, it was gone.

With my luck, one of them will fly into my front yard this week, since I have no camera.

Thanks again, Shadow.

So, does anyone have a suggestion about a good camera?  I know you’re probably saying, “yeah, get one that will bounce instead of break,” but I know that already.  Have any of you used the Cannon Rebel XS and is it a good investment?

***

Taking a coffee break.

I realize that I kid around quite a bit about having been married so many times, but the truth of the matter is that I’m not very proud of it. In fact, I envy those people who can celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary — or even their 15th for that matter.

***

It’s that time of year again. Love is in the air, romance begins to settle over everything like a thick blanket of pollen, and we’re all forced to wade  through knee-deep images of hearts, flowers and chocolates.

All the while, many of us are ducking and dodging the arrows from Cupid’s bow. Personally, I think this kid dressed only in a diaper, flying around  blindfolded and shooting arrows at folks, is just plain dangerous. Oh sure, it may seem like fun and games…until somebody gets an eye put out!

What is Valentine’s Day and exactly what are we celebrating? I did some research and came up with several fascinating facts about this special  holiday, most of which I quickly discarded, and then fabricated much of the stuff in this column.

Many different legends surround this special day we celebrate in honor of the patron saint of romance, a third century Roman martyr named  Valentine. According to legend, Valentine was a priest in ancient Rome. He was executed by the Roman Emperor, Claudius II, for running around in a diaper while shooting sharp objects at people. No, wait a minute, Cupid does that…

Anyway, the misinformed Emperor Claudius, felt that married soldiers weren’t as ill tempered and eager to do battle as the unmarried soldiers (which  goes to show how little he knew about husbands) so he refused to allow the soldiers to wed. (I’m only guessing here, but I suppose they asked the  Emperor if they could marry their girlfriends…not one another.)

Well, in either case, he outlawed marriage completely for all the young men who were his crop of potential soldiers.

However, Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages in secret for young lovers.

When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Valentine was beheaded. Which may have brought about the  adage, ” head over heels in love”. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is questionable, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a  sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, a romantic figure.

By the Middle Ages, St.Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France. They chose February 14th to honor him, since this was  said to have been the date on which he was beheaded.

The Valentines Day tradition was introduced into the North American culture by British settlers (probably The Beatles or The Dave Clark Five) in the  early part of the 19th century.

Not everyone celebrates Valentines Day in the traditional way. Instead, some people celebrate the exact opposite of this romantic holiday. They call  it Singles Awareness Day or SAD. This holiday is for the people who are single and those who are not involved in a romantic relationship.

On Singles Awareness Day single people gather to celebrate or to commiserate in their single status. They exchange Hallmark greetings of “Happy  SAD!”

The greeting card industry does over a billion dollars in sales of valentines each year. This is equaled only by Christmas card sales. Over the years, in  keeping with the latest technological advances, Valentines have morphed into objects that resemble small appliances. For example, there are the  cards that allow you to record your own personal romantic message, scratch ‘n’ sniff cards, and cards that play romantic music. Someday a card will  be invented to replace the person, which will in turn annihilate Singles Awareness Day.

Now, I’m not against romance. I think romance is an important part of the man-woman relationship, especially in the beginning. Throughout  the years I have found that there are many different types of romance, and it doesn’t necessarily involve flowers, chocolates and lacy heart shaped  cards. Often it appears in the smallest of actions, and in the simple quiet moments of everyday life. I would choose comfort, security, and old  fashioned loving devotion over wildly romantic encounters any day of the week. The calm, loving devotion between older married couples is the best  type of romance there is…and it’s there 365 days a year.

While Roses represent love, and are the only flowers whose meaning is universally understood I personally have never liked them. They are the flowers of choice for men to give to their wives or sweethearts, but too often they are used as a “forgive me for cheating, lying, and being a jerk” gift. To  me, they signify guilt. (I think that must be the reason they have thorns) And besides, they’re too expensive. (Florists, you can send all your hate  mail to me at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.)

I realize that it’s traditional to buy flowers and chocolate on this romantic of all days, but I would rather have something useful. Why squander our  retirement fund on a dozen roses? Why spend the mortgage payment on eight pieces of chocolate in a heart shaped box trimmed in lace? The Roses  only wilt and die in a few days and if I eat the candy, it goes straight to my hips and stays there like…forever! Give me something practical, like a  new car or a vacation villa in the Cayman Islands…

…Or just pick me a bunch of Daisies and watch my back. Roses make me angry, and that Cupid kid is a safety hazard.

Looking at our calenders we see that there are only 46 days until the first day of Spring. Glory Hallelujah!  I’ve said this time and time again but for those of you who might have missed it, I don’t like Winter! Not in the least.

I hate going outside in the cold. The cold air makes my bones ache and my eyes cross. The air is filled with static electricity and I’m constantly electrocuting myself as I slide across the seat of the car and touch the door handle. The static also causes my hair to stand out all over my head until I look like a dandelion that’s gone to seed. Have you ever pulled a sweater off over your head in the dark? You can actually see the sparks from the  static electricity. (That’s why I never pull my sweater over my head while I’m pumping gas in the winter. I’m afraid I’ll blow myself up. )

I hate to drive on icy roads. I can never remember which way to turn the wheels when I’m sliding, and I never did learn to guide a sled — probably because I never went sleigh riding the way my friends did when I was a kid. I’ve built one or two snowmen and a made a couple of snow angels in my life time, and then I whined for days with chapped lips and an earache. In fact, I’ve never found a sport I enjoy that involves ice and snow.
 
Don’t get me wrong. I think snow is beautiful. Everything covered in a pure white blanket of snow is a beautiful sight, as long as I’m looking out at it from inside by the fire. I would actually love snow if we could have it in July…for about two or three hours.  Imagine a very hot day and then a huge cold snowfall in the late afternoon. That would be my definition of “way cool”.

Besides hating the cold, I worry a lot in the winter. I worry about my family. I worry whether they are warm and safe, or if they’re driving up to the top of the mountain and  doing doughnuts in the snowbanks. I say a prayer for them.  I worry about the possibility of having to drive in the snow to work, or to a meeting, or to an interview. I pray all the way there and all the way home whenever this happens. I worry about the people who are homeless and whether they will find a warm place to sleep and I say a prayer for them. Come to think of it, I pray a lot in the winter time. (which is a good thing of course).

Sometimes I think I might actually like to be disgustingly rich. If I had enough money, no one would ever be cold or homeless again. That is unless they were camping out, or on a ski slope somewhere. But it would be by their choice instead of circumstance.

Speaking of skiing, I could never understand why someone would pay good money for a vacation to someplace with freezing temperatures and nothing but ice and snow. Why would they want to slide down a mountain on two boards strapped to their feet, crash into things, fall down, and break various body parts? I just never did get it. Is this supposed to be fun?

I guess there’s a lot of things I don’t get. In fact I could stay home forever and not miss a thing. I think I would make a great hermit. I might even qualify to become a guinea pig for the latest scientific research on hibernation for humans.

According to one report, there are several research projects currently investigating how to achieve “induced hibernation” in humans. This human hibernation would be useful for patients with a serious illness where they could survive until a treatment for their disease is found. The report also stated that NASA is interested in possibly putting astronauts into hibernation when going on very long space journeys, making it possible one day to visit far away stars.

If I had my way about it, I would hibernate like a big fat groundhog at the first sign of winter and not come out of my house until the flowers began blooming in the spring.

Speaking of which, tomorrow is Groundhog Day.  I think I will venture out onto my front porch. However, if I see my shadow, be warned. I’m going back inside my house and I won’t be back outside until the winter is over. About six more weeks, I’m guessing. At least that’s the way we groundhogs count it.
–