A whiny blog post
Today’s post will be short and to the point…and one of those personal whiny ones that I never liked and swore that I’d never write. Never say “never,” I suppose.
Anyway, I’m nervous today. Extremely so. While I’m not shaking on the outside where it can be seen, my insides are dancing a jig. If I were breast feeding a baby at the moment, the poor kid would be getting a milkshake, and if my insides were on the outside, I would look like one of those ghosts in last week’s episode of Ghost Whisperer. You know the one where the “shadow ghosts” shook the other ghosts until their heads vibrated around and around…
Oh, yeah, you probably didn’t see that episode. I mean, who in their right mind watches Ghost Whisperer anyway. Especially since Melinda Gordan (Jennifer Love Hewitt) has stopped wearing a nightie everywhere she goes, and has chosen instead to wear huge bulky sweaters, leather jackets, boots, jeans…and shirts that button all the way up to her neck with none of the cleavage that our husbands enjoyed so much in the earlier seasons. What happened there anyway? Did the temperature suddenly drop by 50 degrees in Grandview?
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, my nervous condition. Have you ever been scheduled to speak in public? You sit there waiting as the host speaks to the group, dreading the moment when you are introduced and have to stand there in front of a crowd and talk? You know that knot that forms in your stomach? The way you feel all panicky and wish you could just bolt and run? How the closer she gets to announcing you as the guest speaker, the more tense and shaky you become? Well, this is something like that…only I’m not speaking in front of a crowd. I’m not doing anything. Just sitting here in my office feeling nervous for no reason! And this has been going on for several days now.
It’s kind of like when you suddenly remember that you left the iron on…only you weren’t ironing and you haven’t left the house.
Maybe I’m having some sort of breakdown. Or maybe I am scheduled to speak in public somewhere and I just forgot about it. Maybe I need another cup of coffee. Maybe I should switch to decaf.
Okay, bye.
—
Decaf my dear. Decaf. Or Zoloft. Maybe Xanex. It worked wonders for me.
(By the way, I stopped watching Ghost Whisperer when they killed off her husband and then brought him back in someone else’s body. It was … weird. And who was that little boy later on? I totally missed some episodes…was he a son? If so..where the heck did he come from? And if Jennifer L. puts on that whole “puppy-eyed” look, complete with the quivering lower lip, one more time, I may scream.)
Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings´s last blog ..Well, that is just a bit corny…*snort* Get it, "corn"ee….
A couple of Zoloft, a few Xanex and a cup of decaf and I should be right as rain in no time…probably. Thanks Lisa.
Um…..blame it on hormones!
Yeah, it’s the feeling when you have to get up there and teach your first class. YIKES!
ReformingGeek´s last blog ..Spring Arrives, Sinks Sedan, While Geek in Strange Clothing Rants On
Yeah, I hate those horriblemones, Reffie. They’re to blame for so many things…
I’d prescribe some serious narcotics. Settle ya right down. LOL, loved the milkshake breat-feeding line, and the narration thingy is pretty cool. Is that a voice recognition software you use?
Anyhowzit, as usual loved your mind-wanderings and witty, sarcastic muse today, tee hee.
The Old Silly
Marvin D Wilson´s last blog ..Our Noble, Essential Decency
Um…serious narcotics, you say? O. K. Thanks Marvin.
The voice is from a plugin you can install on your blog that will read the post for you. You can get it at http://www.odiogo.com
Don’t you just hate that? In my corporate life there were those times I had to address the masses. I was a nervous wreck, I would get cotton mouth and my voice would quiver as I spoke at 90 mph. I don’t know what finally got me over the fear of public speaking, but I did and actually began enjoying it. Good luck and don’t forget to breathe.
MadMadMargo´s last blog ..Caption This! No. 34 Winner!
::breathe:: breathe: Thanks Margo. :: breathe:: breathe::
One glass of wine has me asleep on the couch. Try that. (The wine, not me on the couch – I’m not that way.)
Debbie´s last blog ..CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: BIG-BUSTED BOOB BUSTED
hahaha. Glad you cleared that up Deb. I’m not that way either.
youre supposed to imagine your audience in their underwear so, imagine jennifer l. is in your audience…..
Nooter´s last blog ..Q&A About Your Dog III
Thanks Nooter, I’ll try that. Am I in my undies too?
Dear Leeuna Foster,
Over 500 people showed up to hear your talk on blogging, and we had to refund every ticket when you didn’t show up.
Where were you??!!
Your ex-agent
Frank Lee Meidere´s last blog ..Chester doesn’t like me any more
OOOps! I was home unplugging my iron that I didn’t use and having a nervous wreck. Why didn’t you call and remind me, Frank? That’s it! You’re fired!
Note to self: Netflix old seasons of “Ghost Whisperer”.
Dennis the Vizsla´s last blog ..Best In Show
Go get em’ Dennis. My “Honey” highly recommends them.
My cure for pre-public speaking jitters is simple: I don’t do public speaking
Skunkfeathers´s last blog ..What…We’ve Got Hyar Is…
I love your logic, Skunk. But what do you do when you have pre-public speaking jitters and you’re not even planning to speak? Narcotics have been suggested… What’s your advice?
Sounds like an uncommon reaction to some unforeseen non-event which has morphed into a physical response based on false mental or emotional stimuli due to false signals not processed through the cortex of your neurol net. I recommend not reading non-sense as previously written in this post. (mine not yours)
Just kiddin’! You’ll get it together.
Jennifer Love Hewitt used to wear nighties on the early episode’s of Ghost Whisperer? Now I’m nervous. Maybe a trip to Best Buy to see if they have those episodes available on DVD will help. Thanks for bringing some good points to our attention, Leeuna.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..After Work, I Flew Through The City At Night