This week’s Stupid Criminal Award goes out to the 17-year-old who broke into Bella Office Furniture in Kennewick, Washington yesterday and proceeded to use the store’s computer to fence the stolen items. According to the news report, the teen spent five hours inside the store, bartering the stolen items online, watching porn and visiting his MySpace account. Rumors are that the store manager has now hired the teen and made him head of the sales department.

Actually, I made that last part up, but wouldn’t it be funny if he had been able to sell half of the stuff in the store. Maybe called it a midnight madness sale.

In other news this week, there was a report of WMD’s discovered in Owensboro, Kentucky. The weapons of mass destruction were actually the lactating breasts of a 31-year-old female who was arrested for public intoxication. According to the reports, before being placed in her cell, the prisoner was changing from her street clothes into the standard inmate jumpsuit while a female officer stood watch. The woman attacked the officer by squirting breast milk in her face.

This leaves me with the puzzling question: “What color was the jumpsuit?” I’m going to go out on a limb here and say orange. Oh, yeah, and I’m also wondering why, if this woman was breast feeding, was she drunk in the first place. Wouldn’t the baby get drunk from the milk? Oh…yeah… that’s right, she didn’t care. Maybe she had eaten habaneros earlier and thought her milk would be like pepper spray.

Finally, it looks like Sara Palin might be showing her Alaska to the public once again, this time through a reality show called Sara Palin’s Alaska. According to reports, A&E Networks and Discovery Communications are two of the networks who are interested in buying Palin’s project. The show would focus on the ex-governor giving a guided tour of her native home state, visiting fishing boats and taking a trip to a gold mine, among other things.

The former vice presidential candidate is asking for between $1 million and $1.5 million per episode. However in order to keep up with the fast paced shows like “Dog the Bounty Hunter” and “Deadliest Catch”, I’m sure Palin will have to add in a few moose hunts and maybe a tour of Russia from her front yard.

Earlier today, an unnamed source hinted that the show may be narrated by Katie Couric.

—

Tags: Katie Couric, Reality TV, Sara Palin