When we look like the photo on our driver’s license, we should probably stay home. I try to follow this rule most of the time. But you know, sometimes staying home isn’t an option. There are times when we’re forced to drag our less than attractive selves out of the house and into situations that involve looking people in the eye.

And why is it that every single time we go out in public looking like a slob, mascara smudges beneath our eyes, dressed in our worst clothes, our hair looking like it’s been styled with a yard rake and a leaf blower, we run into everyone in the world that we know.

And most of them are people we haven’t seen in several years? They tell us we haven’t changed a bit over the years and we’re thinking “my gosh, have I always been an unattractive slob?”.

This must be one of the unspoken laws of the universe – or Murphy.

For exaple, how many of us have ever needed to go to the hospital ER when we’re  all dressed up and looking our best? That has never happened with me anyway. It seems that all accidents/illnesses that require emergency care, require it when we’re at our absolute worst.

Like the last time my beloved super-sized dog knocked the storm window out of the door and onto my foot. I had been cleaning house all day. I hadn’t had a shower and I was barefoot. I had on a T-shirt that was apparently a hand-me-down from Paul Bunyan. It was four sizes too big, full of holes and streaked with dirt! So were my ragged old sweat pants. I wanted to get a bath and change my clothes before I went to the hospital but my foot was bleeding and the pain was making my eyeballs vibrate.

I could never have gotten into the shower anyway…I could barely get into the car. They asked me at the ER if I had been in a coal mining accident. (Not really, but I’m sure they thought about it.)

I think it must have been National Accident Week because the ER was full of patients. And of course I knew most of them. I sat there in my little wheel chair, blood dripping from the cut on my foot and wishing silently for a large paper bag to cover my head, or for a hole to open up in the floor and swallow me. By the time I was taken to an exam room my blood pressure was so high the monitor nearly exploded.

Whether we like it or not, our society is obsessed with appearances. When was the last time you saw a photo of an ugly, unkempt woman on the cover of a magazine?

And have you ever wondered about movies and television shows where they show the women getting out of bed in the morning looking all dewy-eyed and well groomed. Why don’t these women ever have pillow hair, puffy eyelids and creases in their face from the pattern on the bedspread?

Wouldn’t it be neat if everything could be done from inside our car…at a drive-up window? Grocery shopping, doctor’s visits, court cases, jury duty, church… and maybe even a drive-up window for when you take your pets to the vet for their shots. However, it would be kind of hard to get my giamongous dogs through the window. Maybe they could just have a drive-through exam room.

Actually I’d be happy if all those full-service gas stations were still around. I haven’t had my windshield cleaned since the early 80′s.

Why can’t we all  just start dressing like Muslim women?  Why can’t we all wear a  burka and keep everything covered except our eyes.  This would make life a whole lot less complicated…for me anyway. It would save a great deal of embarrassment…as well as whole lot of large paper bags.

humor-blogs.com.   Go there.

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PS:

*I kinda stole the title for this post from this video at youtube.*

Tags: clothes, fashion magazine, hairstyles, mascara smudges, too sexy for my burka