It’s almost that time of year again, Folks. Time to stuff the turkey, burn the rolls and pray that Aunt Mable won’t bring her parrot and her three cats along with her for Thanksgiving dinner again this year.

I love Thanksgiving. It is a special time of year when most  of us take a day off work to either go hunting, watch football or slave over a hot stove for thirty-six hours, depending on our gender, and/or our designated spot in the household food chain. Thanksgiving…a time to pause and reflect on our blessings over the past year and give thanks for what we have been given.

I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I have my family, my friends, my health, food, shelter and warmth… all those things that we need to survive and be reasonably happy. However, there are many more things that I am thankful for which might seem trivial to most of you but I will list a few of them anyway.

I’m thankful that coffee pots have handles. I’m also thankful for forks. Yeah-huh forks. Have you ever tried to eat salad with a spoon?

I’m thankful that Martha Stewart, the epitome of stylish living, is not coming to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. The thought of her visiting my humble abode fills me with stark terror. I am sure she would faint dead away, or possibly suffer a coronary if she saw my table setting. I have nothing that matches. I don’t have a complete set of anything…well nothing except those things I was born with. The only time my china matches is when the plates are all chipped in the same place.

And even though my bed linens are a nightmare of pink stripes and orange flowers, I’m thankful they are made of cloth and not sandpaper. I’ve been suffering a bout of insomnia lately and after all that tossing and turning I’ve been doing, I would l be whittled down to the size of a number 2 pencil right about now if I had to sleep on something  abrasive.

I’m also thankful for chairs. If not for them I would never be able to reach the top shelves of my cabinets. And I’m thankful that snow is soft, especially those great big flakes…  And I’m happy that winter doesn’t last too long. Frankly those trees all standing around naked is just gross.

And speaking of naked, I’m sooo thankful that men no longer wear those horrible polyester leisure suits that were so popular in the 70′s. Not only were they the ugliest garments ever sewn together by child labor in foreign sweat shops, they were also responsible for millions of little Polyesters being slaughtered. The Polyester population is now almost extinct except for the  few that are now residing in  government wildlife reserves, and a couple more that are in the witness protection program.

I AM thankful for elastic waistbands however, especially after I’ve eaten Thanksgiving Dinner.

I’m thankful that our eyes are located on the front of our faces and not where our ears are supposed to be. How would we ever find a pair of glasses that fit? And would they even be called glasses, or would they be called “eye muffs?”

And finally, last but certainly not least, I am thankful for all my readers out there who tell me they look forward to reading my humor column blog posts regularly.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and may your day be filled with turkey and all the trimmings and may it be seasoned with lots of love, friendship and laughter, and maybe even a large snowflake or two. May you receive all sorts of blessings both great and small, on Thanksgiving Day and all year through.

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Don’t forget to visit:

Humor-blogs.com

Blog-storm.com

They both have lots of Turkey and trimmings…probably

Tags: humor column, Martha Stewart, Thanksgiving, Turkey