Tis the Season to Go Shopping
I’ve never been a fan of Old Man Winter. To say that Jack Frost nips at my nose is a gross understatement. My favorite winter sport is hibernating. When the mercury dips below forty degrees I’m off to sit by the fire with my blanket.
Each year I promise myself that I will do my Christmas shopping early, like maybe in July. And each year I don’t. Unfortunately, I’m no better at keeping a secret than I am with keeping a promise to myself. I would probably end up giving the grandchildren their Christmas presents for Labor Day, and I would still have to Christmas shop.
Since Thanksgiving is now a faint memory, and all the advertisers on TV and radio are screaming about the scant number of shopping days until Christmas, I figured it was about time I headed out to the shopping mall. I put on my winter wander wear which consists of five pairs of socks, four mohair sweaters, three down-filled jackets, two pairs of gloves, and a partridge in a pear tree… let Jack Frost try and nip that!
I was dreading the task, even before I opened the door and stepped outside. I really wanted to stay home by the fire and roast my chestnuts, but my shopping days were numbered. So, armed with a can of pepper spray in case a sale happened to break out, and wearing my shin guards to protect against the inevitable shopping cart injuries, I headed out toward the retail jungle.
After driving around the parking lot for forty-seven minutes, I finally spied two empty parking spaces within throwing distance of the main entrance. As if by magic, two guys in one of those jacked up monster trucks pulled into the spot, taking up one space and half of the other. They smiled at me apologetically as if to say, “We’re sorry, but we’re such short and puny guys we have to compensate for our small size by driving a tank.”
I shrugged and gave them a smile that I hoped conveyed exactly how small I thought they were.
I finally found a parking spot just inside the county line, and the fun began. Eight hours and an entire check book later, I was all done…well all except for that special gift for The Husband. I had the perfect gift in mind, I just needed to find the right color. He already has my gift wrapped and under the tree. The package looks suspiciously like the box containing the black powder rifle he bought me last year. I’m guessing that this year, he bought me the Remington® Model 7600 High Gloss Centerfire deer rifle I overheard him telling one of his hunting buddies about on the phone last week. So I decided to get him a set of Royal Patrician English China in a delicate Summer Rose pattern, along with some lovely kitchen curtains.
My task finally completed, I took a place in line behind a hundred and eighty other noisy shoppers who were filled with the holiday spirit…or something?
I breathed a prayer of thanks for my shin guards as another shopping cart crashed into my legs for the umpteenth time. Above the sound of haggard parents threatening to take away the entire holiday and any hope of another birthday from their screaming, crying, tantrum-throwing children, I could hear the strains of the song ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ streaming from the sound system. I heaved a sigh and wondered if I would make it to the cash register by New Year’s Day.
I swear…next year I’m doing my Christmas shopping in July!
***
November 27, 2009
Tags: advertisers, Christmas shopping, deer rifle, Jack Frost Posted in: Newspaper Column
Hi, and welcome to my blog. My name is Leeuna Foster, pronounced "Lee-you-na". I am an author and a newspaper columnist.
23 Responses
They say hell is hot, but I’m betting it’s actually as cold as witch’s brass monkey. My favourite winter song is “Jack Frost roasting by an open fire.”
But firearms as Christmas presents? An unusual thought. If you’re unhappy, at least you have instant recourse to retaliation. (A black powder rifle would be sweet, though.)
Frank Lee MeiDere´s last blog ..The dark side of cultural marketing
Whoa! Wait! You have a tree up? Are you trying to show us all up?
Sheesh!
I love your gift for The Husband. Would you please go buy my gifts now?
ReformingGeek´s last blog ..Survival of the Fattest
youll put your eye out with that gun…
Nooter´s last blog ..Paint It Black
Here in Canada Thanksgiving is in October. I don’t know why, but it is. The Christmas hysteria begins the exact minute after Halloween and I still haven’t bought or made a single gift. I applaud you. I have been listening to how many days are left until Christmas for 28 days it has done nothing more than paralyze me. I am so totally doing my shopping in July next year.
Oh sugar, you always make me laugh! I hope you had a terrific Thanksgiving. I am glad to be home after spending an eternity at grandma’s house following her surgeries. She’s better now
Big hugs to you!
…chestnuts nipping at your nose…
Yeah, that’s one of my favorite Christmas songs too
We got one of those fiber optic trees this year…already decorated and all. I just had to stand it up in the floor and plug it in. I love technology!
Yeah, Nooter, I won’t be satisfied until I put someone’s eye out…that’s what my mom used to tell us when we were kids.
Actually, I used a little literary license (okay, a lot) in this post. I haven’t really done much of my shopping yet.
Hey Sweetie! It’s good to see you here. I hope you had a good Thanksgiving too. I ate too much (as usual). I’m happy to hear that your MIL is feeling better. {{{hugs to you}}}
Guh–I say the same thing EVERY year…will do shopping early. It’s now almost December and nope, not even half done. I should be ashamed.
This is why I do NOT go Christmas shopping on Black Friday. I usually here, “Shut up! No. I said shut up! No. Fine. You are NOT getting anythign for Christmas. I swear to GAWD you are such a brat…” at least 15 times in less than an hour.
I’m not sure what is up with my comments…I’ll have to find out what is going on and see if anyone else is having problems. Eh, just shoot me an email…I should add that to my page if I haven’t already, shouldn’t I?
At least we have good intentions though, don’t we.
Yeah, the parents are more annoying than the kids, most of the time.
Your comment thingy only does that when I hit preview. Maybe it’s just me.
If we all feel this way, where do the crowds come from? Are they fabricated by media? Or is it a reality show? Next year, catalogs and FedEx and UPS.
Milton´s last blog ..Stores and Prices
I try to do all my shopping online. And at the last minute, which can be problematic. And expensive, because I usually end up paying extra for overnight shipping.
Ah, Christmas.
Colder climate, shorter growing season. If we waited until November to harvest our crops we’d be pretty hungry the rest of the winter. (Of course, there’s alway ice wine to take the edge off.)
Frank Lee MeiDere´s last blog ..Mythbusting the techno-savvy youth
Milton, I surprised that they haven’t tried to make a reality show out of Christmas shopping. shhhh! I hope they didn’t hear that.
Yeah, aren’t you happy Al Gore invented the internet
I don’t know what I’d do without it. I do everything online. Well almost everything. 
I don’t know if it’s dawned you that you and your husband have very compatible interests. He can throw his Royal Patrician English China up into the air, and you can skeet shoot it with your Remington® Model 7600 High Gloss Centerfire deer rifle. Ah, love and the holidays!
Bwahaha. Mike, your comments never fail to crack me up. I pictured doing this and it was so funny. I told Wayne and he said, “hmmm. Good idea.”
Great post. Christmas is so close and I haven’t done my shopping yet. I still need to buy my Mom who is a Security Guard a bullet proof vest. You can find a lot of great deals at Blue Defense.
Thanks for the helpful tips here. I’ve got a home improvement blog that I work really hard on like you are doing here. My efforts tend to lean towards a lot of general topics and hopefully provide high level answers for what people are searching for. Keep on doing a great job with your site
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