Where Are We Going; Are We There Yet
Have you ever had the feeling you were being followed? You feel the hair crawling on the back of your neck and you get this chill down your spine. You keep turning around and looking over your shoulder to see who’s there.
Oh? You’ve never had that happen? Actually, I never have either, but I’ve heard it can be quite scary.
Although, I can understand the reason why no one would ever want to follow me. I never know where I’m going until I get there, and it shows. Most of the time I blunder around like a goose on tranquilizers.
Like last week I was running some errands, but my mind wasn’t into it. I needed to pay my electric bill. I passed right by the utilities office and ended up parallel parked in front of the theater. I didn’t even know I could do that. I turned around and went back to pay my utility bill, all the while mentally slapping myself in the forehead for being so “stupid-stupid-stupid”. I was so upset at myself, I passed it by again. So I went home and took a nap. I hate when that happens.
I’m one of those people who can’t concentrate on three things at once. I could
never work at a fast food restaurant unless the menu was limited to only two items.
If a customer ordered fries to go with their sandwich and drink, I would probably get the mop and start cleaning the floors.
For a while I thought my absentmindedness was simply a part of the aging process, but then I remembered I’ve been this way all my life. I think.
Being addlepated (which is the non-medical term meaning “stupid-stupid-stupid”) can cause enough problems in day to day life, but there are certain circumstances where it can be downright dangerous. That’s why I never considered becoming a surgeon or an airline pilot. Well, that, and the fact that I can’t stand the sight of blood and I’m scared to death of heights. There are two places where the word “oops” should never be uttered. One is the hospital operating room and the other is the cockpit of an airplane at 30,000 feet in the air.
The other day I was wandering around the grocery store, because wandering
around the post office wouldn’t have made any sense. I had forgotten my trusty list and I didn’t have a clue what I needed to buy. After twenty laps around the store I bought a loaf of bread. You can’t go wrong buying a loaf of bread. When I came home I stuck the bread in the freezer with the other 54 loaves already in there, got my list and went back to the store.
I always make lists. I make lists of everything. I make lists of the lists I need to make. Then I forget to take my lists with me. So I have resorted to writing my lists on my hand, or arm, depending on the space needed. This is a great way to be certain I don’t leave my list at home, because I always take my hands and arms with me whenever I go out.
This list method will work for anyone. However, if you have a long list you must write very small, especially if you have short arms. Oh, and don’t use a permanent marker.
I also bought a bumper sticker for my car that reads: “Don’t Follow Me, I Don’t Know Where I’m Going!” I bought another one exactly like it and stuck it on the back of my jacket.
So, if you should decide to follow me, It’ll be your fault if you get lost. You should have read the warning label.
You can follow me at humor-blogs.com though.
November 12, 2009
Tags: absentminded, airline pilot, blood, grocery store, surgeon, theater Posted in: Newspaper Column
Hi, and welcome to my blog. My name is Leeuna Foster, pronounced "Lee-you-na". I am an author and a newspaper columnist.
13 Responses
Watch out for the hand cleaner stuff near the buggies/carts, you could loose your list. You are brave because no one is watching you, watching you, watching you, w….
Milton´s last blog ..Peace and Quiet
I have some remembering issues also. I blame it on my children. They are systematically zapping my brain cells every chance they get.
Sue´s last blog ..Turkeys in the parking lot
Don’t feel bad. I use a GPS to get from one floor to the other in the house otherwise I’d go in circles all day. I’ve always thought that was normal.
Deb´s last blog ..WHY I LOVE ME: EARS TO YOU, CHESTER GREENWOOD
Oh. I’m here. I forgot what I was going to say. Something about being easily distracted….
Oh, Lookie. You have a blogroll over there…..
ReformingGeek´s last blog ..Injustice Exposed: And the Password Is…
I totally love the idea that some creepy person could follow somebody who didn’t know where they were going. That could be a great hook in a spy novel.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Oops.
Just a question, “Do you really have 54 loaves stuck in the freezer?”
BK´s last blog ..Don’t Let Drunk Driving Ruin Your Night of Fun
@ Milton: Thanks for reminding me…I could have washed away a whole day.
@ Sue: Kids have a way of doing that. I wonder why that is.
@ Deb:
Now that sounds pretty normal to me.
@ ReformingGeek:
I don’t know if it’s caused by ADD or AGE…oh look…a butterfly.
@ MikeWJ: Hey, I might try that. It would also be a good premise for a cartoon.
@ BK: Actually, no. I used a little literary license here…okay, I lied. I do have four loaves in there though.
Pretty funny stuff. I make lists and then always forget at least one thing on it anyway.
Boy do I understand this one. I can only remember three things at a time. Literally. It’s caused no end of embarrassment, inconvenience, backtracking, and … uh — other stuff.
Frank Lee MeiDere´s last blog ..Injustice on Trial — Part Two
Having lyme disease in the brain is the perfect excuse for being lost all the time. Prior to that, I had to make up reasons why I was confused.
However, I can in no way recommend getting lyme just to cover your butt. I’d much rather continue to make up reasons for being overwhelmingly challenged by simply tasks.
Addlepated is a great one!
Have you seen my socks? Oh wait, they’re on my feet. Nevermind.
@ Frank: Yeah, it’s kinda sad, no?
@ Kit Walker: Wait, those are my socks! No. Wait. They’re yours. Sorry.
@ MilesPerHour: Yeah, me too…like the main reason I went shopping in the first place.
I often forget my lists and like the silly idea of having them on my arm. My lists are often the same…maybe I´ll just tattoo the essentials all over my body…paper towels, bread, shampoo…it would be a tattoo unlike any other…
Tim´s last blog ..Best Home Theater Systems
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